Lady Priest Lawnmower – Windows PC
Feeling in a bit of a retro mood I spent a couple of hours coding a spiritual successor, pseudo sequel and pretend remake to Advanced Lawnmower Simulator, a phenomenal ZX Spectrum game by famed taxidermist and Jazz dancer Duncan MacDonald, of Your Sinclair fame.
I call it:
LADY PRIEST LAWNMOWER
The story came to me in a vision while using Twitter, which I later refined over several days. The gameplay mechanics were inspired by many different circles, such as Vaudevillian theatre, The BlueMan Group, my time as a Saucier to Prince Guthry Trombert, Treasure’s G unstar Heroes, but mainly hero to us all, Jazz Dancer Duncan MacDonald. Or Duncs as we used to call him, the man made a fine cup of tea round the office and could play polo more than you’ve had hot dinners, son. I remember we once put a bunch of horses in the local public swimming pools to do our bit for charity.
I know a lot of retro purists complain when remakes change things too much, so I’ve kept the classic gameplay mostly as is from Advanced Lawnmower Simulator, only updating the visuals and sound for the modern age – even arranging the recording of a hard-rocking punk theme song. Mostly though I’m proudest of the story that’s been implemented, a fine piece of gaming literature I’m sure time will judge it to be.
I like to think of it as The Brothers Karamazov for the modern age, challenging religious faith while at the same time weaving a complex tale of love and redemption in a time of confusion. It follows the struggles and tribulations of woman priest at a time when she questions her purpose in life, there’s an obvious love tension with Sergei, who is also her kidnapper – but! By the end of the narrative becomes her psychological saviour, helping her to come to terms with her beliefs and desires in a conclusion that I’m sure no one will see coming.
Of course if you’re less interested in story and just want the most realistic lawnmower simulator of our time, then you too are catered for.
More Tea, Vicar?
FEATURES:* Authentic 8-bit graphics* Over 11 colours used ON SCREEN* HYPER-Mega 340 by 200 pixel graphics!!!* Post-rendered Blast porcsession* Super Audio Phonic Sounds* Vocalised theme song by new indie band The Punk Yaks* 180 minutes of voiced dialogue speech (may be condensed)* Dynamically tuned pick-up-and-play control scheme* Easy to learn, even easier to master* Unique story script, edited down from an original draft of 2000 pages* Tragic tale of love, redemption, faith and a woman turning into a lawnmower* Runs on OFFICIAL Microsoft Windows Operating System* Is NOT a virus* Beards!
